Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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