if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How does one acquire holy water?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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