We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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