I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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