Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
