Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And then he peed in my hair
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
