i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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