is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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