Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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