i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
