You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
