I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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