time to smoke my breakfast
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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