Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
