I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
