Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize