I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
