Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He shit in the fireplace
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