Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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