He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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