she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
