After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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