Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
