I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
