never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
