I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
