So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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