i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
