We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize