Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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