Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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