I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
