i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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