i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's shark week go big or go home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
