Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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