I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
