That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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