So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
