Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
