I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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