Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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