A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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