It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize