You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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