why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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