I am midnight drunk by noon
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
