my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
