god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
