Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
