Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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