So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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