I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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