uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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