Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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