Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
