i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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