hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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