Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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