I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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