Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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