shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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