is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
