i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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