i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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