Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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