I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize