You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
