...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
